Also I have been thinking back about gregs posts and I thought that he was so brave the way he dealt with his cancer. I mean he never just sat there and posted things like "why me" or "its not fair that it happens to me" he got on and did his best to fight through it something that I dont think most people would be abel to do. He is an exampel of how even people who are aflickted with terribel problems in their lives can be brave and rise above them.
His voice lives on. Greg Muskewitz: 12/28/1981 - 4/22/2005
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 toplad |
Re: Greg Muskewitz 12/28/1981 - 4/22/20 | |||
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Posts: 1600 (04/25/05 14:29:52) Banned User |
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Unregistered(d) |
Re: Greg Muskewitz 12/28/1981 - 4/22/20 | |||
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Posts: 0 (04/25/05 14:36:13) |
I didn't know he had cancer, the news came as a shock to me.
I see your hair is burning, Hills are filled with fire. If they say I never loved you, You know they are a liar. Cops in cars, the topless bars... Never saw a woman, so alone, So alone. So alone. So alone.  |
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WEBCYAN |
Re: Greg Muskewitz 12/28/1981 - 4/22/20 | |||
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Posts: 1352 (04/25/05 15:38:11) |
Wow, kind of shaken to hear this. More than anything I wish I had gotten to know him a bit more. I've been a member here for about a year and a half, but I never really got to know him too well...
This is too bad. If anything, I'm fairly confident that Greg's "spirit", whatever that might be, is in a state of bliss right now. So, that leaves his friends and family who I sincerely hope find some peace right now. At least the nature of his illness allowed those close to him to have plenty of time to say goodbye. Posting little eulogies online seems so trite in a sense, but just wanted to throw my thoughts into the ring. This board will clearly miss you Greg. You seemed to have a great life on earth, and there's no reason why that shouldn't continue after your physical body is gone. If anything, I hope you're more liberated now than ever before.  "The collective unconscious contains the whole spiritual heritage of mankind's evolution born anew in the brain structure of every individual." - Carl Jung |
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Amazing Andy |
Rest In Peace Greg | |||
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Posts: 1065 (04/25/05 15:38:58) |
I will miss our conversations and the many debates that we held. Your intelligence and insights into life are truly noteworthy and are lessons to be learned. Although I never got the chance to meet you in person, I considered you, and still do consider you, an "internet friend." You have blessed the lives of so many people here and elsewhere in your young life and you will truly be missed by many.
I'm sorry that I never got the honor and the privledge to meet you in real life. You were truly a special person and you meant a lot to everyone who conferred and befriended you. You helped me think through some of my opinions which I now know to be false, and for that I am very thankful. Your voice of reason, moderation, and common sense brought interesting insights into my own life, and I am thankful for it as well. Maybe some day we'll get to meet on the other side, God willing Rest in Peace buddy and God bless. Amazing Andy 
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pnina2 |
Rest In Peace Greg | |||
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Posts: 780 (04/25/05 16:49:46) |
8/2/05
Greg, When I first thought of writing you, I remembered the time when I sent you a picture of myself. I remembered my hesitations when you then said something like: my friends' looks is irrelevant to my relationship with them, and then when I finally did send you my picture, your response was something like: you have nothing to be conscious about. I said: thank you, and you said: don't thank me, thank your parents. In retrospective, can I say that that was a typical Gregorian response? What I want to say in this letter is that for some peculiar reason I feel comfort and relief knowing that you're there. We met about two and a half years ago, and I shouldnt be saying this out loud, when I was first exposed to the internet community. I honestly didn't think I would care about some faces behind that electronic curtain: luckily, I have plenty of friends, and I was never into computers, really. But, I guess I was bored. About a year and a half ago, I moved to Jerusalem, and surprisingly enough, we stayed in touch. See, theres this expression in Hebrew which means: far from the eye, and far from the heart. As you may guess, it was me among my friends who always doubted the truth of this saying. And indeed, with me in Jerusalem, another friend in Beer-Sheva, and all the rest spread in the center, my friends and I still get together every Friday, when we get the chance, and constantly talk on the phone. And by analogy, with me in Israel (and offline), and with you in America (and online), we still communicated via email, when we got the chance. Your image used to cross my mind, from time to time, when I was in Jerusalem, or at home offline. I then felt relieved. I think there's something comforting in knowing that there's someone out there who knows, more or less, who you are, and wants to know more. Someone who is interested, curious. You're looking forward to reading his emails, and you wish to be updated with what is going on in his life. Especially when its someone you have never seen in person, or someone who is far away, since, inevitably, theres still a barrier which makes it more mysterious, almost like flirtation, and thus more intriguing. For these reasons, you always feel as if youre not being a good of enough friend: I feel like that very often with my friends back at home. You should call more, send emails more often, go and visit, and so forth. Its endless, but I guess this is how it is with, I can't find a better word, friends. I didnt quite know how to respond to that email. I was reading those lines feeling shocked and sad at the same time. You may claim, quietly, that Im a hypocrite for remembering my so called friends only at times of sick (the irony is not intentional). I always hated that about people, you know: people who suddenly, but not continuously care. I experienced that when my mother died: all of a sudden, I was the most popular girl in my class. Funny. Yes, thats irritating, but fortunately this is not the case. Yes, that email served as a stimulus to force me to finally sit down, think and write a few words (something I wanted to do for a long time), but, and youll have to take my word for this, for whatever its worth, I would have done exactly the same, sometime, regardless of anything. This letter is meant maybe to try to personalize our relationship, and definitely to let you know how I feel. Please dont say that I shouldnt be trying so hard, that youre aware of my good intentions. It has got nothing to do with my good intentions, and everything to do with my rationale: you should know all this, meaning that this letter is completely justified, rationally speaking. However, one thing this letter is not meant for is apologizing: neither you nor I have something to apologize for. I usually find it embarrassing, and so hard, to tell another person how I feel about him, so writing it down, instead of telling it to his face, makes it slightly easier. Nonetheless, I wish I could see you, and talk to you face to face about anything. Err, writing is such a difficult task! Please forgive my awful handwriting I hope youll have no trouble reading it. Take care, and well be in touch. Pnina P.S Thank you for never correcting my English. Hi Pnina, Your package arrived at the end of last week, and it was quite a pleasant surprise! That was a lovely compass (I've put it on display on my desk), and an even lovelier letter! (I thought it was cute how you hand-wrote it, and then included a typed version just in case; it happens that I could read your handwriting just fine.) Anyway, I hope to respond to that soon with a real letter of my own, but I won't pretend that I'm not backlogged and it may take me a little while to get to. I hope all is well in Jerusalem, and that your current studies go very well for you without decreasing your creativity. (Believe me, I know the same type of feeling.) All my best, g P.S. -- What was your reaction to Swimming Pool? ---- I'm reading his lines, the ones meant for me, thinking how sweet he was. I am relieved knowing he knew. I wish, I wish he were here or there. |
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ClearBlueWater |
RIP | |||
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Posts: 229 (04/25/05 17:27:19) |
i'm so sorry to hear about it. i can't say i really knew him but going over his old posts he seemed like a super guy. rest in peace greg.
 my deepest condolences to greg's family and friends. |
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Melody Nelson 69 |
Re: Rest In Peace Greg | |||
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Posts: 1107 (04/25/05 17:43:03) Overseas Telegram |
Yes Greg was sweet. and caring. He was the first one to send me a real letter and we kept writing to each other from time to time, sending postcards from vacation or birthday cards... He probably did it more than i did, sending little things he knew would make me happy.. He was a great friend, someone you could count on. Even in the last months when he was very sick, i remember he helped me with my english for some work i had to do... i'll miss our talks about movies, we shared the same passion for films and he was probably the only american i know i could talk about Alain Resnais or Agnes Jaoui's work... At the theater yesterday, i couldn't help but think about Greg at the end, wondering if he would have liked the film, what he would have said about it.. i'll really miss sharing my excitement about some small foreign film or event I would have just discovered and that only he could look forward to... i think i'll miss him even more than i realize... I remember having cried for hours the night he told me his cancer had re-appeared, not knowing what to tell him, except how unfair it was. He was strong and brave, he told me he knew everything had a meaning and a purpose in life and he had done what he was supposed to do, even if he didn't know yet what it was...
"La mort attrape d'abord ceux qui courent" - Jean Giono In english: "death first catches those who are rushing". Greg was rushing. He probably did more at 23 than some people will ever achieve at 60: making a job out of his passion, making his dreams come true... till the end, he had dreams and projects, i regret he didn't get the time to go to Berlin and Paris like he wished though. I would have loved to be his guide like he had asked me... |
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fygmynt |
reaching.... | |||
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Posts: 3298 (04/25/05 21:46:04)
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i remember when greg's leg was amputated. it was eons ago, and it was a big, big deal. no one suspected that the leg pain he occasionally mentioned would turn out to be so serious. as for myself, i'd never known an amputee, so i was fascinated by his story...what he was feeling, what he expected, what his hopes and fears were. i even remember wanting so, so badly to write a short story based on his last night as a man with two legs. all he wanted to do was go for a late-night walk--his last, in a sense--smoke a cigarette (or a dozen), be alone with his thoughts and his body. but his mother was so concerned about his mental state, so worried for him, that she wouldn't leave his side, and his last walk never happened. to me, this was a profoundly tragic story. i felt his disappointment deeply, and i wanted to write that story down as if it were my own. i thought it might help me understand. everytime i attempted to write it, the sheer difficulty of getting those emotions on the page turned me away. i just couldn't write it.
and the story wasn't even over...unfortunately for greg, for us, for the world. his leg was amputated, they told him the cancer was gone, and we celebrated with him. i was fond of calling him a cancer survivor...because i could think of nothing more admirable. to me, it was the height of human determination. it was more than admirable, it was noble...he beat the unbeatable. if there's one thing i've learned from all this, it's that you can be the most determined person in the world, with the biggest of hearts and the strongest of wills, but if the odds stacked against you are insurmountable, you can still lose. this is the great tragedy of greg's life, and of all our lives. you can be perfect, but you can't be invincible. as i write this, it seems odd and unfair that i didn't get to know greg outside of this board until after his diagnosis and surgery. we began talking frequently just four months before his doctors told him his cancer had returned, and that it would eventually take his life. but in that short time, he became invaluable to my wife and i. we were still in colorado, strangers in a strange land, and we had no friends to speak of. it was such a thrill to find someone our age--even if they were confined to a computer screen--to let into our lives. indeed, greg is one of the very few people erin and i have allowed inside our marriage. he was equally excited to talk to either of us, and listened intently as we told him our secrets and dreams...things we wouldn't tell our own parents or friends back home. we did the same for him. i'd never seen erin take to someone so quickly; it's not easy to earn her trust. there was a connection there, plain and simple. under other circumstances, we three could have been inseperable. when the news came to me in december that greg's days were numbered, it was in the middle of the night. i shut down the computer, slid into bed, and woke erin up. "greg's dying," i whispered. now it had been spoken, and it was an ugly sound. we cried together for awhile, and from that day on, we eagerly awaited any news, any cause for hope or excitement. through it all, we were consistently amazed at and inspired by greg's candor and his bravery. because he was so dedicated to helping us understand his circumstances, it was possible to accept the idea that one day, probably soon, his life would end. it will not be so easy, i think, to accept the cold fact of his sudden absence. i will miss him terribly. through his livejournal account, i followed his days. i learned about his family, his friends, the many children (younger siblings and their friends) he loved and cared for. he had a deep appreciation for all forms of art, and a special admiration for those fiercely independent artists who follow no one but their own muses, whose work is always unpredictable and often disarmingly unique (david lynch, bjork, and joseph conrad were among his heroes). by sharing his own photography, he gave me a chance to see the beauty he saw. there can be no doubt: greg knew a thing or two about beauty, on screen and off. he dreamed of directing his own films--could probably see them in his dreams--and i can't help but feel cheated that i'll never get to experience them. above all, what i find myself struggling with is this question: how should we mourn greg muskewitz? it is a difficult question, since most of us here at AQ were both in his life and outside of it. i admit it: in the past, when confronted with the death of a loved one, my grief has been selfish. i have been upset, angry, and sad...primarily because i would no longer be able to enjoy this person's presence in my life. as i think about greg, i realize that this time, things are different. i don't feel sorry for myself, i feel sorry for the many people who were truly close to greg, the people IN his life, who made up his day-to-day reality...the people whose lives he touched, and perhaps most importantly, the people whose lives he would touch, had he been given the time. and even more than that, i am deeply sad for greg himself, for having been denied this great joy. in light of these thoughts, i feel utterly insignificant. so how do we act? what do we do now? as i told cal in an email several days ago, if there is one thing we can do, it is to hold him tightly in our minds...to take that pain, and those memories, and focus them into points so sharp and bright they burn holes in the universe. hold him there, make him matter, and let no one forget. |
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Red40 |
Re: Rest In Peace Greg | |||
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Posts: 2023 (04/25/05 22:42:24) Cold and Ugly (Mod) |
I've got a million things I want to say, and no idea where to begin, so I guess I'll just take a deep breath and jump right into the middle of it.
I never had the pleasure of meeting Greg face-to-face, but I feel fortunate to have spent a considerable amount of time with him in some of those late-night chat sessions that NB mentioned. Some people will tell you that you can't really know someone just by looking at the words they write; and in most cases, I would agree. In Greg's case, however, nothing could be further from the truth. Greg was a talented writer, amazingly articulate, and always easy to talk to. Some nights on AIM I felt like we could've just as easily been hanging out at the corner coffee shop talking about movies, books, politics, girls, or nothing in particular. He didn't make a habit out of talking about his illness explicitly, but sometimes I could sense the bitterness and frustration in his words, just as surely as I would've heard it in the tone of his voice. And yet, even on his worst nights, his unbreakable spirit and lighthearted demeanor would always shine through. If I ever find myself terminally ill, I can only hope that I'll find the courage to weather it with as much grace, humor, and determination as Greg did. I knew it before the picture at the top of the forum even finished loading, and it literally felt like a punch in the stomach. I'm a little angry, a little confused, and very sad. The world has been robbed of a good soul and a fine human being today. I'll see you when I get there, G. Cal: Thanks so much for staying abreast of this... I did receive your PM day before yesterday, on the very same day that one of my childhood friends passed away from an inoperable brain tumor that she'd been struggling with for some time. So yeah, now Greg's gone too, and I'm having sort of a difficult time dredging up the resolve to do much of anything lately, online or otherwise. Sorry for not getting back to you sooner. "France is a hot liver nation"-yangge333
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Twig00 |
Re: His voice lives on. Greg Muskewitz: 12/28/1981 - 4/22/20 | |||
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Posts: 1583 (04/25/05 23:31:25) A Powerful Sith |
Yeah, I can't believe I did not mention that in my previous post. When Greg lost his leg, the way he dealt with that was really nothing short of inspiring. True, I'm quite sure he had his moments of anger, and possibly even a few moments of "why me?", but above that he stayed postive. He remained...Greg. I know had I been in those same circumstances, I'd have come out a deeply bitter person, but it all seemed to make Greg just want to work that much harder to achieve his dreams and to enjoy what he achieved that much more.
Until I heard the news on Friday, I did not know his cancer had returned. The few times since it had that we'd talked there was no indication. But there too, he stayed strong and upbeat. I could not imagine the flood of emotions he must've experienced the last few months, but I'm sure he spent that time not worrying about how much time he had, but making sure he did all he could in that time. That's heroic. |
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AngelFaceNatalie |
Re: His voice lives on. Greg Muskewitz: 12/28/1981 - 4/22/20 | |||
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Posts: 1748 (04/26/05 00:14:12) The Queen |
I just wanted to start off by saying that alot of people here at AQ didnt know that I spent some time posting over at LiveJournal. One of the main reasons I started posting over at LiveJournal was because of Greg!
 We developed a great friendship and I always used to tell him that he could contact me anytime through an AQ private message or through LiveJournal if he felt like talking to someone. Greg replied, "Why are you so sweet?" I replied back, "I'm not that sweet, I just want to be your friend." We ended up joking around with each other and having a fun time talking through private messages. I will always remember the day I asked Greg to describe ME in one word and he answered "Inimitable." That comment stuck with me and I ended up putting it in my signature immediately! I told you guys two weeks ago that the only thing I have drug into my personal life from AQMB is Greg's "Inimitable" comment that is currently written on my mirror in lipstick with mylipstick kiss by it. Greg was not only one of the sweetest, most fun, intelligent, bravest, coolest, funny, and good hearted person. He was my FRIEND. Goodbye Sweetheart! *MUAH* Love ya. (your favorite Angel and Friend) Miami PS: California, Thanks for letting me know the news through a private message. Describe ME in one word "inimitable"--- Peg leg Greg
Favorite AQMB member "You Ms. Miami" ----- Twig How is it everyone your like has Huge boobs? --- Twig I love her lil butt ---- ORIONSAINT Describe ME in one word "Powerful" --- Darth Torgo "I think the world of you Miami"----- Natman Can you change Angels username to Blonde & Beautiful --- Gooseman Can you change my username to Mini Miami ---- Nat Ah Lee |
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lurnok |
Re: Greg Muskewitz 12/28/1981 - 4/22/20 | |||
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Posts: 318 (04/26/05 05:09:04) |
I'll be brief.
I didn't know you too well, so emotional superlatives aren't the right thing from me. Then again, and this is purely because of action on your behalf, I guess I know you better than I know anyone else here. It was nice to cross paths with you in life. Even if only ever so briefly and ever so lightly. -------------------------------------------------
ehthe gniwolloffollowing siiis niiiin edocccccode (shitttthis t'niaaain't trappart fof tiit) Roe aap gdonop wrewb hiath' ashen yabilk teirflt FBI arnych KKK wow kaird ski ill(of atso hiden moa agro idle crow)oh.w |
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Cal |
From Greg's friend, Diana: | |||
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Posts: 5265 (04/26/05 12:26:37) iceskater |
Greg's friend Diana, with whom I've been communicating by e-mail, wanted me to add her commentary to our tribute:
Quote: Diana also passed on this information, about donations, and a wonderful scholarship they are setting up in Greg's honor: Quote: *** If you would like Greg's family's address, please e-mail me at <cal7us@yahoo.com> *** |
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Nat AH Lee |
With Love... | |||
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Posts: 1416 (04/26/05 14:21:18) Mini Miami |
I will never be blessed with the eloquence of Greg, so Ill have to use the words of others:
The fact that we don't know this man isn't important really. Cause his experience is our experience and his fate is our fate. Vani tass, vani tatum, et omni I vani tass, says the preacher. -Diane Frolov and Andrew Schneider, Northern Exposure, All is Vanity, 1991 All though I feel the world has lost someone so great, with so many possibilities I fell the world has gained something good from his courageous life, and that special somewhere that we all go to when this big long film called Life chooses for our time to depart the screen of This world, wherever it may be has been fortunate enough to receive this special person. "Yes to sex,Yes to sex. No to war, No to war. Cuz fighting is frightening. Fighting is frightening.Yes to sex, Its so much more exciting." Sexy by the Black Eyed Peas
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Amidoll |
Re: With Love... | |||
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Posts: 1603 (04/26/05 19:26:22) Mizz Idioteque |
Greg,
Every night since you left, I've been replaying back fragments of the many conversations we've shared over the past few years. I remember your jokes, pranks, photos, familial anecdotes, and silly little confessions you candidly shared with me. It didn't matter that I was not as worldly or well-versed as you were - you took me for what I was. Although we lived on opposite coasts, it didn't deter us from sharing a connection - almost a kinship. I looked up to you as a naive younger sister looks up to her older, wiser, big brother. I remember thinking how lucky your sisters are/were to have you as their brother - and their losing you is what broke my heart. During your smoking breaks, you'd assure me with an "I'll be back", but the knowledge that this time you wouldn't be able to fulfill that promise is a reality that is hard to accept. It was hard to know what to say during our last few conversations, perhaps because I was scared... scared that I would say the wrong thing , but I knew you were strong and optimistic despite the circumstances and that nothing anyone could ever say could put a dent in your armor. Somehow, I was comforted because I knew you were well taken care of - you were safe. But even more so because I knew you were happy. You found the kind of joy we all spend our lifetimes searching for. Greg, I was proud to know you and to call you a friend. The evidence in this thread alone is a sheer testament to your many superlative qualities, your spirit and your legacy. Farewell, my friend. |
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muzic155 |
Greg I will miss you | |||
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Posts: 2 (04/26/05 20:34:25) |
Greg M. of MMHS 2000 D. 4-22-05 passed away of cancer and in memorial:
Greg for all the movies you critequed, I still do not like Eyes Wide Shut- I will remember you for your movie taste. For all the New Year's celebrations and the orange stuff that one time -I've never seen such a face. For the smiles and joy you brought us- Peg Leg Greg For the indi film you were to make- I remember all school projects you guys did. To the laughter and films you made Andi go to, for what its worth now she always got to see them with you way before everyone else. Remember the Hamlet project you guys had to do? I still remember the whole thing. all the celebrations- to the LUNCH BUNCH- and Bob and Mr. C. Thank you Greg, you will be missed. TO GREG: my next haircut is for you to Locks of Love You said you'd get us in one which way, and what happened on Friday 4/22 but I was walking home feeling sad and someone was randomly playing Eyes Wide Shut, I haven't seen that played since it came out- it had to be you! We all miss you, its been like a chunk of me is missing. I hope you're not in pain and are in a happy movie land! Miss you, Shannon |
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fygmynt |
Re: Greg I will miss you | |||
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Posts: 3298 (04/26/05 21:08:30)
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google his name and you can find some interesting and inspiring things. like this:
Quote: from hollywood bitchslap. "type slowly." ~ stephen malkmus
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JCar0801 |
Re: His voice lives on. Greg Muskewitz: 12/28/1981 - 4/22/20 | |||
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Posts: 1177 (04/26/05 21:28:10) |
Cal, per your request for Greg's family..
[note: converted to .gif so the color will be a little off]..  http://natalieportman.org/CAL_NP_COM.gif  http://natalieportman.org/CAL_NP_ORG.gif JC
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Cal |
Greg Muskewitz: 12/28/1981 - 4/22/20 | |||
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Posts: 5265 (04/27/05 00:55:37) iceskater |
Thank you so much for doing that, JC.
It's great to have so many of Greg's friends here from home and online, remembering him with such beautiful words and verse. Thank you for the kind words to me as well, friends. I'm really happy we can remember Greg this way. I've had the opportunity to email with a long list of Greg's friends over the last few days. Greg had given me access to his e-mail account so I could send mail on his behalf about his death and funeral, which will take place Friday at 4pm, at Penasquitos Lutheran Church in San Diego. I can feel Greg reading over my shoulder as I reply to friends of his I'm just now meeting for the first time, like Shannon and Diana. I feel like Greg is able to see what is happening, how people are reacting to the news, and how they are remembering him, like I'm typing for him in his own e-mail account and he's reading it all. I'm very sad Greg is gone, but I only have really good memories of him -- singing Bjork songs together in Central Park, looking at his press kits from Natalie Portman movies -- always laughing and smiling, excited about living his life to the fullest. |
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Realadelphia |
Re: Greg Muskewitz: 12/28/1981 - 4/22/20 | |||
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Posts: 361 (04/27/05 02:46:49) |
This sucks. Greg was supposed to get me a naked photo of Melody Nelson 69 on his planned trip to Paris. (I'm not really sure how this would work. He was just supposed to do it when he visited her in "real life." We both agreed upon that.)
Now, that possibility is gone, as are many others. "So are you going to come visit me before I die?" Greg asked me that about three months ago. It was a question I was afraid of. I felt shocked (not in disbelief or anger, but the physical feeling of having electricity go through you...). I fudged. "Well, I don't know. I'll see what I can do. I mean, I'm sure you have awhile. Maybe you could come up here. Maybe we could meet half way. I really don't have a lot of money right now." That was true. I had just blew a few hundred dollars on concert tickets, and I was taking most of my vacation time and money for my wedding this June. Really, I was all but broke. But I knew I'd feel guilty if he did die and I didn't go, which, of course, all came to pass. I always felt like I let Greg down. I'm not saying that for self-pity or to be dramatic; that's just what I always felt. He was the only online friend, I think, who remembered my birthday every year. He would often send me things, like a "Catch Me If You Can" book for my birthday, like cards on the holidays, like letters about who knows what. He was a pack-rat, and loved saving letters and things from his friends. But I seemed to always forget his birthday. I don't know why, except that it was a few days after Christmas. He said that often happened to him. Just a few weeks ago, I said I'd call him, and then I had to send an e-mail, apologizing for not doing that. I'm not even sure he received that. Greg had a mischievous streak. Once he totally convinced me that he was talking to Natalie Portman online. So I had him ask her questions: Who did she like on AQ?, things like that. He played it brilliantly, saying this girl didn't actually admit she was Natalie but he could sense it was definitely her. He played out the joke for several hours. Now, obviously I didn't let him know that I 100 percent believed him, but he was pretty good at making me think somehow he had stumbled upon her address. He had, of course, a lot of potential. I was a bit jealous of how many reviews he had written by the age of 19, which was about the time I met him, around 2001. He had already lived in New York as a writer, alone. I hadn't done that and I was 26. And, initially, I was jealous because he seemed to become great friends with Melody Nelson really fast. That turned out to be a pretty happy ending, I think -- we were all pretty close, the three of us. Really, he was a star on AQ, sending dispatches of meetings with people like Julia Stiles and Natalie. I'm not even a Julia Stiles fan, but I'll always like her as a person because of Greg's description. He was super happy, the happiest I've heard him, when he met Ludivine Sagnier. I'm glad she was nice to him. As he did for most of his friends, he gave her a gift, a makeshift French version of the Oscar, to replace one another actress had unjustly won. You really should read his interview with her. Often, I'd try to cheer him up. I felt bad about having fun with my girlfriend while he had to stay at home with his computer and I could walk along the coast on a beautiful day. Me: "You should just go to the beach. I don't know about in California, but it's really beautiful here now. I don't mean go swimming or tanning, just go and chill. People do that here all the time." Greg: "See, you can't even do that with a prosthetic. Trying to go on the sand is just no fun." He was sad about his condition sometimes, but really he seemed the same, the exact same, after and before the amputation. I really think he grew to appreciate the time he had at the end, in the last year. Greg liked food from Carl Jr.s. He liked smoking, even after he got cancer. He liked thinking about what he would name his kids. He wanted to be a dad really bad. He liked skinny girls. He liked photography and David Lynch movies (He hoped to play a legless man in one of his films). I convinced him to like Kylie, but not Suede. We both liked that line from David Bowie, "Ashes to Ashes, funk to funky, we know Major Tom's a junkie/strung out in heaven tonight/hitting an all...time...low." It was just fun. He had high standards. I would often try to convince him to hire a hooker before he died, but he said he "no," even when he went to Las Vegas. When he had sex, he wanted it to be right, and if it wasn't right, he wouldn't have it. I remember Greg, who died on Friday, wanting to be an AQ mod for a long time. I think he saw his not being asked to be a mod on AQ as some personal sleight, which of course, it wasn't. Eventually he became more powerful than all of us as an admin. Before that, he was for a time the only mod on ITM. I think I revoked his moderatorship when I learned he was complaining behind my back about me talking about my girlfriend all the time (this was when we were first going out.). He was pretty hurt by my doing that. And of course, it was childish of me. It was pretty rare of Greg to say something bad about a friend, in the large scheme of things.That was typical of our relationship, I suppose -- usually great friends but occasionally we stupidly let pride or resentment get in the way. I remember talking to him about whether or not he should get his leg amputated, the options, the likelihood that the cancer would come back anyway. I remember him being worried about their being any "limping action." (his words). He seemed to bounce back after the surgery extremely quickly. I would see old people in Walgreen's or somewhere with a prosthetic, and would hope that would be Greg some day. I hoped prostethics would advance where he could have a robot leg that would enable him to run faster than people with even normal legs. I'm pretty sure I had tried to convince him that it would happen one day. Mostly I remember him as being a much better friend to me than I was to him. I don't know why he worked so hard at that. I'm not sure how that translated in real life, how many friends he had offline. But I hope he knew -- in a deep way -- how many friends he had here, and how good and special and real and important he was to all of us, and how much we loved him. |
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