Yuku free message boards

I wouldn't go so far as to call her my soulmate yet. Did I say that in an earlier post? If I did, I meant that if I have one, I could see her becoming it. But thanks, I really appreciate that.

Andy: I can't remember if she said she was able to get the number or not. It was at night on the NW side of town (where it's still rather desert-y and not well lit), so I'm thinking no (especially since she told me that she doubts the cops'll catch those little pukes and she's going to end up with a claim on her insurance).
I finally called her tonight (hadn't done that yet, just spoke with her in class), and when it registered to her who it was, she sounded really happy. But, I asked one of my co-workers today about her possibly being a lesbian, and the things I told her that made me think she is also had her thinking maybe she likes women. Of course, I may have tainted the facts and said it subjectively, thereby forcing my opinion on the co-worker. Agchk.

Got my work schedule finally today. It's a little bothersome: Thursday through Monday. 10:00-18:00 on Thursdays, Saturdays, and Sundays; 13:00-21:30 on Fridays and 14:00-22:00 on Mondays. Talk about erratic, huh? At least it's a pretty easy job, and there're lags galore at certain times (depending on when certain flights arrive).
Oh, fygmynt (and VinegarWorks too, I suppose), you may be pleased to know that I got "Slaughterhouse-Five" today. It's not the longest book, is it? A little more than 200 pages (my copy, at least), so it looks like I'll probably have it done by Saturday. Perfect timing, too, because we're having another study session Sunday night.

UD: you had me thinking you had actually given into your carnal desires for a second there, bud! Hehehe

Though it's merely been dead for about a day.

UD: "What does she drive, a monster truck?"

Sorry, dude, but I don't catch that reference really. Anyway, I couldn't tell you, but I'm sure I'm killing the joke, so I'll cut it out now.

Andy: it's because of things like that (your conversation with your friend) that I returned to school. Well, one of the multitude of reasons. I haven't had a nice long heart-to-heart with a friend in a really, really long time, like over a year. I'm still on good terms with most of my high school friends, but I just don't talk much with them. My friend Ian was the one who I could most frequently rely on for a good talk, but then he met up with a girl and started doing drugs and hanging out with him became a not entirely attractive proposition. My friend Minh, I would talk to him once every 4 or 5 months the past two years, doing all the catching up bit. We never had any really deep conversations, though, just superficial "I think this girl's so hot" types, y'know?
Then there's Mike, and we have some decent talks, but he always seems so disconnected and not paying attention. I fear I may strike people the way he does me, like he's only waiting for his turn to speak. I hate that.
Ugh, tangent. Anyway, other reasons I went back to school: loneliness, a desire to stimulate myself intellectually, meet girls, and find people who are like-minded and who I can spend time with. Hell, my psychology class has provided everything in that grocery list. Funny, because I was expecting that to be the class I'd have the lowest profile in.

Here's a little note I wrote to myself at lunch today:

9/30/00 14:34 (and yes, Twig, my schedule was given to me in military time)

It's amazing how my infatuation for Lauren has developed this week. I mean, I was interested the moment I saw her, but I often have those attractions based on looks alone, and those usually go unfulfilled, so I rarely pay attention to them.
With Lauren, I had long forgotten my initial physical interest in her by this past Tuesday. Though the shirt and pajama bottoms she had on were certainly becoming of her (especially with the way she took the floor), I was displeased with her attitude and intent on getting the studying done.
That I started the evening feeling that way, and that I can't comprehend repeating those actions with her ever again, is disorienting. It's curious how our emotions can work like that, no?
Anyway, I'm anxiously anticipating tomorrow evening. It will be so nice to see and talk to her again. I'm almost hoping that Mark gets sick or has something come up so that I can have the time with Lauren to myself.
It's gotten to the point that I don't even consider Amanda an option. When I talked to Mike on Thursday, I expressed my concern with having to decide between Lauren and Amanda. That seems laughable now. I haven't given Amanda another thought since Thursday, while I've been thinking about Lauren almost non-stop since Tuesday.
Again, it's funny how we work that way. I simply hope, and this should come as no surprise, that the feelings are mutual. This is the most I've allowed myself to get caught up in wanting to love somebody in an extremely long time, and so a collapse at this time would be truly unfortunate. If such is the case, however, so it goes.

Thanks. It's funny because it kind of just snuck up on me. I mean, I realized that I was thinking about her a lot, but it didn't strike me as weird until I thought about it today. Well, not weird, but...uh, you know.

Actually, I have been talking to Minh a lot more lately. He's been saying that I seem like such a different person now than I was in high school.
I told him about seeing this guy from school at Target recently, and I was going to ask him (Jonathan was his name) about his high school girlfriend (I'd heard they were engaged shortly after graduation), but noticed that he wore no wedding ring, and so opted not to implore. Minh expressed shock at that, saying that the old Rick would have just asked him no matter what, that the old Rick wouldn't care about another person's feelings. I don't think I was ever that bad, but I suppose maybe one's friends have a more subjective (and thus, accurate) view of how one is than oneself.

I've been noticing that I've been becoming a better person lately. This evening, I went to a co-worker's house to have her husband work on my car, but when I got there, he wasn't home because he'd gotten robbed at work and was going to be held up there for a while. I think the old Rick would have been pissed at that, but I didn't feel a tinge of anger. I knew it wasn't the guy's fault, and the co-worker (Kathy) was apologizing ad nauseum, but I kept telling her, "Hey, you didn't have any control over this. Don't worry about it." That struck me as an odd reaction for Rick to have.

c-o-n-s-c-i-e-n-c-e (jiminy cricket)

Is Christine the one whose house you slept at a while back? I think I remember her. Too bad she's got a boyfriend right now, because being with you would probably make her happier, and you'd be happy, which would make you happier, and it'd go on and on until...well, you get the idea.

Nice to see you in this thread, Jummy. High school proved to be the time in my life when I made friends most easily, but when I was also the most miserable. Crappy trade-off, no? And I experienced that a bit myself, where I'd meet somebody, hate 'em, then turn out to be good friends with them. Huh?!

Well, I was right it turns out. Sort of.

Lauren does, indeed, like women. Let's count the clues dropped: asking if we (Mark and I) were planning on going to the gay pride picnic (not together, of course), then telling an anecdote about being hit on by some butch dyke at an am/pm. She showed us her keys, which had a rainbow pattern, the universal symbol of homosexuality. She went off on how much she loved Ani DiFranco, Sinead O'Connor, the Indigo Girls, saying each artist with a lustful growl in her voice. She talked about G.I. Jane, remarking that her favorite scene was when Demi Moore was doing push-ups, apparently without a shirt on as Lauren described how great she found Demi's tits to be and saying that the things she'd want to do with her are simply explicit.

So yeah, she's a lesbian.

But wait! There's hope yet. Sort of.

See, she straddles the fence I think. I'm inclined to think that she digs guys as well. She was talking about jerking off to Maynard of Tool, envying Mark, who said he saw Maynard's tool from about 30 feet away (at a concert; Mark ain't gay).
She's also on the pill, something I thing a girl only takes if she's in danger of getting pregnant, and that's only if she's sleeping with men.

The problem with that pill business is that I'm given the impression she's already got a regular sex partner, which would mean I'm given the shaft yet again. Argh. (Ooh, look at that pun.)

I should have known the night was going to be a major let-down. For one, I was looking forward to it the entire time I was at work this week-end, using it as a strand of hope to make my eight hours at the airport more bearable. When you build something up the way I did, it's bound to disappoint.
Next, I encountered a major traffic jam on my way, causing me to be late. Less than five minutes late, but still, I'm so anal when it comes to punctuality, I hate being even that small amount of time tardy.
Thirdly, Mark was there when I arrived, while Lauren was 10 minutes behind. Mark commented that he was beginning to detect a pattern of hers, then stated that he was a bit angry with her because of a conversation they had last week. That tipped me off that there may be some tension while we studied.
And there was some. I tried my best to be jovial and calm, but she seemed hellbent on being bitchy again. She was aware of it, though, apologizing often about being so abrasive. Even though she realized how she was acting didn't prevent her from still acting that way, which was unfortunate.
Still, I find her so fascinating that I didn't hold it against her. She's not a dictator when it comes to expressing one's opinion, and there are hardly any taboos around her (she isn't prudish about any subjects). But when she said that she wanted to go smoke a cigarette, get home, get laid, and go to bed, I started losing interest in the evening. I was so deflated.
I mean, she was alluding to already having a sperm donator (to coin Djuna's infamous term) earlier in the night, mentioning "the pill" and going to her gynecologist and saying that she went camping with some friends (some of whom later turned out to be male), but putting it that bluntly took all I had out of me. I was disinterested the rest of the evening. She'd ask me questions and I'd be like, "It's no big deal. Never mind."
I dunno. I probably acted childishly, but it was a crushing blow. My chance with her isn't completely shot, it's just a lot less likely than I'd like it to be and thought it was, and what hurts the most is that she's the second girl who has met so many of my little "desires" when it comes to a girl I'd want to date but who it turns out already has a boyfriend. (Same thing happened with Chloe nearly three years ago, but that's a story for another time.)

Welp, there's still Amanda, though I want to recover from this for a little while. One positive? I'm not thinking of hurting or killing myself, I'm not depressed, so that speaks for some progress I've made. I'll pat myself on the back because she isn't going to be doing that for me.