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The Sadistic Demon |
Re: The inevitable | ||
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Oh, floothe, if only it were that easy. This is the first time since you joined the board that I've felt any sort of connection with you. Being "like a brother" is the kiss of death. I've been fortunate not to have that happen recently, although I've really only met one woman since Sarah, that being Jennifer, and I was successful in getting her to be my girlfriend (for all the good and bad that's brought). But otherwise, it seems unavoidable unless all you're looking for is sex and you have no qualms with expressing that. Women are attracted to that more even though they claim not to respect it or care for men who are like that. I don't understand what their mentality is.
I was looking back to see if you were looking back at me to see me looking back at you. - Massive Attack, "Safe From Harm"
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gooseman7904 |
Re: The inevitable | ||
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it seems unavoidable unless all you're looking for is sex
I kind of have to disagree with that Rick. I'm sure it's possible to have a relationship with a woman that's not solely based on physical attraction without it having to fall into the Brother Category. But then I've never had a Quote-Unquote: Girlfriend to begin with, so what would I know. floothe, if it was I who was in your situation--I'd take the bull by the horns a little more. Don't be so (and forgive me for using the expression), Passive in your pursuit of these women--after all, if she happens to be someone who you truly love, I'd hate to see you going through what you are now. Hang in there buddy:) MAY ALL YOUR UPS AND DOWNS BE UNDER THE SHEETS
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floothe |
Re: The inevitable | ||
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oh, well, thank you sadistic demo tape.
i'm getting advice on this subject from close girl friends. they might not be able to assist either. because it's of the majority's opinion that it's "chemistry". and it doesn't matter what i do. it's "chemistry". so that's annoying. it doesn't matter how loving i am or any beneficial thing i do or am. it's chemistry. sad. thank you goosey. passive? well the recent one, i dated her for a very short period. she was attracted to me at one time. she was also attracted to this other guy who she lives with and is dating now. at the time that guy was in another relationship but then became free. she's known him longer than she's known me. her heart was more with him probably all the while. which makes some sense but her and i are more alike. oh well. she has said some of the most wonderful things to me. i'll always have those. we'll probably always be friends. maybe other things to. another thing that really helped me out is the other girl who feels i'm her brother. we've talked so so much lately and that feels nice and she's been very excellent with me. her sister doesn't feel the brother thing with me so that's awesome. 2 out of 3 is better than 3 out of 3. they're my core of romantic feelings. those who i feel closest to and also love very deeply. i am extremely fortunate to have them in life or still. they thank me and i thank them. i could have left because they didn't feel the same or they could left because i was in love with them. but we stayed and now we have beautiful friendships. i've been friends with the first sister for nearly 13 years. bull by the horns? i was honest with them from nearly the beginning. i like developing things and not rushing it. i would not want sex to be the basis of my relationship with them or the main thing. friendship first. i've had a little romanticness with all of them. i have a great friendship with all of them. the romance still could happen. so i'm feeling better. the sadness is fading. Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we - George W. Bush (Freudian-Slip during BBC interview)
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The Sadistic Demon |
Re: My movies | ||
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Affection
Somewhat Damaged Now you all can see that I was actually productive these past few years. Comments/criticisms welcomed/appreciated. (You need Quicktime in order to watch the videos.) I was looking back to see if you were looking back at me to see me looking back at you. - Massive Attack, "Safe From Harm"
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floothe |
Re: My movies | ||
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affection was very good rick!
although i thought the 13 minute ostrich playing accordion solo was very unnecessary and had nothing to do with the plot. it's like something i would put in a movie. the guy kinda reminded me(look wise) of my ex gf's bf. haven't watched the other film yet. Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we - George W. Bush (Freudian-Slip during BBC interview)
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gooseman7904 |
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Okay, I'm going to use my first Kudos for this thread--YEAAAA Rick!
(Hmmm, so the thread goes on top everytime you Kudos it. Snazzy)
MAY ALL YOUR UPS AND DOWNS BE UNDER THE SHEETS
Last Edited By: gooseman7904
03/04/08 22:01:26.
Edited 2 times.
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floothe |
this is a box for text this is a box for text this is a box for text | ||
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kudos?
the candy bar? still getting used to this yuku thing. i thought it was done several weeks ago. apparently not. it was like nothing changed and all of the sudden BLAMMO!
Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we - George W. Bush (Freudian-Slip during BBC interview)
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JummyTwo |
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I just started thinking to myself the other day if this board was still around and I'm happy to see it is. I posted here for a year, maybe two around 2000 or so and it brought me quite a bit of happiness. It's funny to see that most of the signatures haven't changed and floothe still writes in that weird style of his. It's nice to the see the Lonely Hearts Club at the top of the page again. |
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The Sadistic Demon |
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Hey, Jimmy. How's it going? Do you like M.I.A.? My favorite song on her last CD is called "Jimmy." Coincidence? I think not.
I was looking back to see if you were looking back at me to see me looking back at you. - Massive Attack, "Safe From Harm"
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floothe |
whoa!! | ||
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hi jummy/jimmy!!!!!!!!
how goes it? good to see you.
Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we - George W. Bush (Freudian-Slip during BBC interview)
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floothe |
skipping throughout time | ||
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for some reason i started reading this thread(for the first time) in order from the beginning. it's very interesting. i wasn't here yet?
very interesting posts. reading it there's an overall very real feel(for me anyway) of spring which is what it almost is now in this year 2008. 8 years after the first posts to this thread? can't remember. it's neat to read. histories. chronicles. experiences. feelings. boys talking about girls. a few girls talking about guys. funny how the sexes complain about each other and can't seem to figure the other out. get sick of each other and then return to each other. push pull push pull push pull the dance of movement. of vibration. of magnetics. i adore the feminine. i enjoy being surrounded by the feminine and i am. i am adored by them which i am pleased with. and i adore adoring them which is one of my purposes. the feminine is very important at this time in human earth history. balance is being restored. and when i say feminine i am not speaking of the particular individual personalities. i am speaking of the energies and the overall characteristics that arise when a soul decides to become or show up on earth as the state of being known as female. the very idea, the creation of that which is the feminine. the feminine aspect of being. i honor this state of being. it is VERY good that beings have chosen to take part in this as women. this is very holy. there is warmth within this concept and thought and idea. this creation i've dipped my hand in. i see it being stirred, rotated, mixed, merged, taking endless forms. aaaaaaahhhhhh sigh. i love and i am loved and i shall love forever as i ever have
Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we - George W. Bush (Freudian-Slip during BBC interview)
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The Sadistic Demon |
Fuckin' bitches, yo | ||
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So I put up a personals ad on Craigslist last Wednesday. I was feeling depressed and lonely due to my break-up with Jennifer, and after talking with her
on Tuesday and gauging her interest in getting back together (or at least having a friends with benefits
relationship) and determining she didn't want any part of it, I decided to take matters into my own hands and throw a line into the water. It was actually
a pretty well-written ad, especially in comparison to the mindless inanities proffered by most jackasses. I did it in the style of a tabloid magazine article,
writing in the third person, referring to myself as a renowned filmmaker and including the pic of myself where I'm walking off the plane and waving to a
cadre of my off-camera fans.
And the response was tremendous. I'm not used to having a choice when it comes to girls but there are 3 who I've maintained e-mail conversations with. One of them is a 32-year-old Puerto Riqueno and an ex-lawyer; the other is 25 and teaches at a school for the deaf and blind. The last one is the cream of the crop, the first girl to actually excite me in 4 years. Her name's Rachel, she's 23, and she's an artist. She provided me with a link to a website containing samples of her paintings and she's really talented. She majored in media arts at the University of Arizona and had a desire to be a screenwriter until she became disillusioned following a stint with a local production company last year. She is a terrific writer, though, as her Myspace blogs could attest. (They were entertaining, at least.) Even though I've got my mind set on Rachel, I've continued my correspondence with the other girls because I never have faith that things are going to work out quite like I expect them to and I want to have as many options available to me as possible. This seemed to be a great idea earlier in the week when Rachel went 5 days without responding to my last e-mail. I'm one of those neurotic types where if I know that someone's been on-line and they haven't responded to my e-mails, I wonder if they're angry with me or trying to avoid me. And so I could see that she'd been visiting Myspace all week but she wasn't writing back to me. In the past, that would've really gotten me down, but since I had the other two girls to write to, I didn't lose any sleep over it. I did write a quick note to her on Wednesday, wondering if her boss was working her half to death, and she managed to respond to that. She had been busy since last I wrote. She mentioned, however, that she was going to be meeting a friend of hers at Kon Tiki, a popular bar in Tucson, sometime this week and was wondering if I'd be interested in joining them. Of course I said yes and we made tentative plans for Friday. Friday came and went and I didn't hear from her. I wrote to Heather, the 25-year-old teacher, to see if she'd be interested in meeting for drinks on Saturday. Since Jen's been gone, it's been a while since I last got laid and I was looking to end that streak this weekend. My Saturday didn't go according to script. I got up early and took my car in to get an oil change and my serpentine belt replaced -- I found out earlier this week that mine is the car we'll be driving to Coachella after all. My entire morning ended up being spent there as they took 2 and a half hours before working on my car. I let my aggravation be known and they took $15 off the cost, which brought the total to ~$95. While I was there, I received a call from Gabi, this producer I've worked with in the past. She was helping out on a University of Arizona student project and a couple people had flaked out on helping them and she was wondering if I'd be available to assist on today's shoot. I didn't have any concrete plans and it had been a while since I was on a set, so I said okay. It was actually a lot of fun, and the first time since 2002 that I worked on a movie I wasn't the director of. I absorbed everything, observing the way people were talking to one another, assessing whether I'd make a different call on how to shoot a particular scene, etc. They were definitely students and this project is going to be pretty shit, but it was good to be in that environment again. And as unsociable as I may be, and was at the beginning, I warmed up as time went on and struck up conversations with a few people. It may not seem like the grandest accomplishment but I used to have panic attacks in public, so anytime I demonstrate progress from that sort of anxiety, it's quite the triumph. What was especially emboldening was that two of the conversations I struck up were with these beautiful girls working on the movie. I was hoping to make even better inroads with them at the wrap party I heard rumored about, but I ended up having to leave before I got official word on where that was happening. So I got home and there was a message awaiting me from Rachel. "Would you like to meet at Kon Tiki at 10:30 tonight?" She gave me her phone number and told me to call or text her. I called and left her a message. She texted me right back, saying that we were on. I got fucking excited. I cleaned up whatever messiness there was in my house, anticipating her coming by later on, and took a shower. There was still an hour to kill till we were supposed to meet so I checked the other messages in my inbox and saw that Heather had written. She was interested in meeting tonight but I put her on the back-burner. Perhaps tomorrow if things with Rachel didn't work out tonight? I'm perpetually early and I know it makes me seem too eager probably so I did my best to get there late. I left my house at 10:20 and arrived at Kon Tiki at...10:28. Goddamn it. I texted Rachel that I was there and she wrote back that she was on her way. I sat in my car listening to my New Young Pony Club CD, trying to calm my nerves and observing the Pacific Islander girl smoking by the Tiki head and the douchebags with cowboy hats standing beside her. I looked in my rear view mirror at every car passing behind me, wondering if that was Rachel. Rick and Rachel -- I think my parents once toyed with the notion of naming my sister Rachel so that our names would be similar. (They decided on Maricela.) At 10:38, I received another text from her. "I'm sorry. I can't do this. You're probably going to think I'm a horrible person." As I started to type my response, I got a call from my friend Milly. She and her friend Michelle were going to a gay bar to watch a drag show that Michelle's friend was appearing in. I told her what had just happened, that my plans for the evening had suddenly opened up, and got directions from her so I could meet them in 20 minutes. I got off the phone with Milly and called Rachel, getting her voice mail again. I left her a pleasant message, telling her I didn't think she was horrible and that I wasn't upset or angry. I was disappointed, sure, but I could understand if she was nervous or shy. Perhaps some other night? The big difference in my reaction, from what I would have done in the past, was that I didn't think it meant there was a deficiency in me. She's an artist and made reference to being crazy in her very first e-mail to me -- she is probably fucking NUTS. And that's fine, crazy girls need lovin', besides the fact they're probably the only ones who'd want to have anything to do with me. But that wouldn't bother me because a girl who's mentally unstable is the only kind I can see myself having any sort of attraction to -- stability is alien to me. From reading her blogs, I know she broke up with a boyfriend in December. Perhaps she had her heart broken and is still trigger-shy in getting into another relationship because of her fears of being hurt yet again? She's stunning in her pics on Myspace, and after I made mention of how beautiful she is, she remarked back that those pics are from her gym rat days, that she isn't "nearly thin now." She wrote that she's not always fine with her appearance as it presently stands but that she's gotten to be okay with it for the most part. So perhaps she's insecure that I'll be appalled by how she looks now and she didn't want to face that potential rejection tonight after all? Or perhaps she's really big into the zodiac and checked out the compatibility of Scorpios (her) and Pisces (me) and ascertained that they are not romantically compatible. Whatever the case is, it is very likely her issue, not something to do with me. And the fact that I can entertain that thought speaks volumes of how far I've come. So I drove across town and met up with Milly at the Yard Dog, which is an unusual name for a gay bar. Some black transvestite prostitute looked me up and down as I was going inside. The drag show going on was pretty pathetic, although I suppose that isn't saying much as most drag shows are. Attendance was abysmal and the drag queens were na-a-a-sty. I ordered myself a Long Island and downed it fairly quickly. We talked about going to another bar, the Oliver Twist. Milly's been fucking one of the bartenders who works there and he tends to hook us up with free drinks when we go in. The night was 180 degrees from where I was expecting it to be just 20 minutes earlier so I was anxious for the change of scenery. We left the Yard Dog and drove to the Oliver Twist, where Milly had a sudden existential crisis. Apparently things aren't exactly cheery in Fucking Oliver Twist Bartender Town and she worried that he would feel like she was "stalking him." I told her she was being silly and we all went inside. She continued being silly, refusing to go into the main bar area even though she would have to if she wanted to use the restroom (which she said she had to, badly). I volunteered to go ahead and make sure the coast was clear. The offending bartender was nowhere to be found and I reported to her as such. She still refused to go any further in. I ordered myself a 7 and 7 and quickly surveyed the crowd to see if there were any potential one night stands. There weren't. I went back to where Milly and Michelle were hiding and told her to stop acting like a 12-year-old. She got mad that I wasn't sympathetic to her nervousness and threw it back at me, saying that I was the pot calling the kettle black. I reminded her that I'm not the 30-year-old, she is, and that despite whatever anxieties I've experienced with lovers in the past, it isn't important how you've responded to obstacles before but how you learn and grow from those experiences that demonstrates your character. I've never had a relationship where I was reluctant to even be in the presence of a person I had been fucking and professed to not have any feelings for, which further repudiated the criticisms she attempted to levy against me. I suggested that we go to a different bar since she was being such a fucking child but she no longer felt like being out in public so she and Michelle decided to call it a night. It was fucking 12 o'clock and my plans for an exciting Saturday evening had been completely shot to hell. Sure, I could've tried to hit a bar on my own, but I know how well I fare in those environments, and I was already feeling pretty damn pessimistic about the female gender, so I didn't think I'd be terribly effective in convincing someone to let me stick my penis inside of her tonight. So here it is, 1:23 am and I'm writing this e-mail. As the subject heading says, fuckin' bitches, yo.
I was looking back to see if you were looking back at me to see me looking back at you. - Massive Attack, "Safe From Harm"
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floothe |
movie night jealousy | ||
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ahahahhaa silly title.
i went to a movie night at my exgf packers/crackers/bonkers and her bf's apartment. i love her nickname. ahahhaha. we watched "anchorman" and a few episodes of uhh "gotchaman"? i think? i liked the cartoon i used to watch in the 80's better but that's just me. battle of the planets! that's what it was! anchorman was fun. i've seen it once before. all the actors are silly. especially will ferrell and steve carell(sorry angel! hahah) it tired me out but that's usually what happens to me at movie nights because i am REALLY not a fan of watching movies back to back which is usually what happens at movie night. i'd much rather do something else. it's just not my thing. so between watching these 2 genres of things my exgf's bf goes nextdoor to a gas station to get something to drink he likes and comes back as he notices something very strange in the sky! he describes it as very huge and totally silent and not moving much with strange lights. DAGNABBIT!!!!!!! i'm so jealous of this guy! ahahhahahhahaah. my ex is in love with him and this other girl that she's worried about has feelings for him too AND he sees this UFO which i would have loved to see! WTF? this is not fair! ahhahhhhha. i don't understand why they're(the girls) are attracted to him. it makes no sense to me! ahahhha. gadzooks. i'm not a fan of how she acts around him and how she laughs at everything he says and well it just kinda got to me. (to me) there are just so many reasons to NOT want to be in a relationship with him(sorry guy!) but i guess there's just something that overrides that. and the goddess of my universe has a birthday in a few days. awwww. i was playfully jealous of those who were able to go to her party saturday night and celebrate with her in her presence. she's not in the same state as me still. at least i got to talk to her the night before. YAY! and i'm SOOOO jealous of her boyfriend. but he is a nice guy so that's good. i want her though wahhhhh wahhhh wahhhh (baby crying emoticon) there's my whining for the evening. haahhahah.
Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we - George W. Bush (Freudian-Slip during BBC interview)
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The Sadistic Demon |
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Been dating 2 girls for the past couple weeks. One is named Heather -- she's 25 and works as an instructor's aid at a school for the deaf and blind.
The other is Mabel, a 32-year-old from Puerto Rico who used to be a lawyer and is getting her master's at the U of A. Both responded to an ad I placed on
Craigslist and really compelled my interest with the chemistry we had via correspondence. Mabel stayed over on Friday night -- we watched There Will Be
Blood and got 2 hours of sleep.
I was looking back to see if you were looking back at me to see me looking back at you. - Massive Attack, "Safe From Harm"
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Twig00 |
ah, the pimp life | ||
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lol, Rick, yeah that's the potential catch 22 of meeting women online. You put up an ad or profile and if you get a bunch of responses how can you NOT
respond back?
"I have been running so sweaty my whole life urgent for a finish line/I have been missing the rapture this whole time/of being forever incomplete"
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Nat AH Lee |
Bonjour | ||
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Hello Everyone
xxx
"We may not always be as happy as you always dreamed we'd be, but for once, let's just allow ourselves to be whatever it is we are."-Garden State
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floothe |
i am a comment | ||
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hi nat ah lee!!!!!
"xxx" triple x?? uh what exactly are you trying to say there?
Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we - George W. Bush (Freudian-Slip during BBC interview)
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Nat AH Lee |
xxx | ||
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That you are all very sexual!
xxx
"We may not always be as happy as you always dreamed we'd be, but for once, let's just allow ourselves to be whatever it is we are."-Garden State
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floothe |
hhee | ||
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admit it, nat ah lee
you are too. hehhheh:) i haven't been very sexual in my posts. (unfortunately) i thought you were referring to the little things some people do at the end of cards. x is kiss o is hug xoxoxoxoxo but yours was 3 kisses
Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we - George W. Bush (Freudian-Slip during BBC interview)
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The Sadistic Demon |
Not so lonely anymore | ||
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Got back together with Jennifer over Coachella weekend. It started off as just being about sex -- fooled around in bed on the Saturday morning of the festival
despite our hotel roommates sleeping just 3 feet away. I asked her later that day in the jacuzzi if it was just a weekend affair and she said it was. I took
mushrooms that night and had the best concert experience EVER during Portishead's lone 2008 North American date; I never thought a performance would
supplant Daft Punk's 2006 Coachella set as my favorite but there are lots of things I've been proven wrong on over the past year. The following day, I
had a bad comedown and was more like my previously moody self. It came and went over the course of Monday as well but after having some fun in the car on the
drive back to Phoenix, things were a lot better between us.
I decided in my psilocybin-induced state during Portishead that I was going to leave Tucson and move to Austin to more vigorously pursue a career in filmmaking and that I was going to break up with both Heather and Mabel. Leave it to Rick to have 3 girls going at once and take that number down to zero. I told Jennifer about my plans to stop seeing both of the other girls, still under the impression that what we had simply had its life over that weekend. That apparently coincided with her reconsidering whether she wanted to jump back into a relationship with me. She had started seeing some 38-year-old divorcee but broke it off with him a couple days after we returned from our trip and I made plans to visit her two weekends later. That Friday, I had a date with Mabel. It was going to be the start of my break-up weekend as I was planning to cut things off with both her and Heather. I didn't dress up for our date and we just met at a pizza joint near the U of A. I told her about my plans to leave Tucson and that Jennifer wanted to get back together. I didn't feel like getting back with Jennifer was really the greatest idea at the time as I still had vivid memories of how things were throughout our relationship in the winter. Mabel still figured we could date until I left, though, and she was always very affectionate towards me. We went to see Smart People that night and finally had sex once we returned to her apartment. Having blown that opportunity to isolate myself, I was determined to have success with Heather. I again dressed shabbily and didn't make extravagant plans for our date. I took her to Chili's and, over margaritas, broke the news that Jennifer wanted to get back together and that I'd also been dating Mabel. A couple of things came to light that made me feel like less of a dick for the revelation: 1) she and I had done some e-mail correspondence back in August '06 but she stopped responding to me because she wanted to pursue the guy she ended up dating for the next year; and 2) that guy called her the night before our date (yes, when I was out with Mabel, but she didn't know that) and they met for coffee and talked about him moving in with her when her sister moved out. It didn't upset me very much but if I hadn't been seeing Mabel, how the fuck would I be expected to react to her ex-boyfriend becoming her roommate? Yeah, that wouldn't have been cause for awkwardness. Anyway, she was clearly bothered so I made it a point to still crack jokes and treat her to Iron Man and play Scene It for an hour. I haven't seen her since. I thought I was going to just stick with Mabel and didn't figure that Jennifer would've been too bothered with that but when I told her, she started crying. She thought that we were going to give it another go and felt like I was rejecting her. I reminded her of all the things she said she found wrong with me when we broke up in February but she got all depressive, talking about how her life's a failure and that she had what she's wanted when she had me but was too stupid to realize and appreciate that at the time. Basically, every other guy she's dated has been a fucking loser, either a drug addict or a moron or incapable of holding down a job. The 38-year-old she was seeing was not only divorced, he was under his ex-wife's thumb in babysitting their children and was working part-time at a factory a few nights a week. So basically I was the first guy Jennifer ever dated who wasn't a complete waste of time. I decided to maintain the two girlfriends routine, justifying it to myself as making up for all the time I lost when I was an unattractive, undesirable nebbish too afraid to divulge my feelings to women I liked. Things have been a lot better with Jennifer since then and I actually seem to be in the position of control, in the sense that she's the one who pursued me to rekindle the relationship. As for Mabel, the petals quickly fell off the rose when it became apparent that the sexual chemistry between us is tenuous at best. What it amounted to was that she was the second person who I ever lost an erection with. Not only that, but I lost it with her on numerous occasions. We had actually tried having sex 3 times before Coachella but I was never able to finish with her. She worried that I may have an erectile dysfunction problem but I still wake up with erections and Jennifer's more than capable of getting me off, so I suspect the issue is with Mabel. Whatever the case may be, my decision to not forsake Jennifer for a relationship with Mabel quickly proved to be sagacious. I was already aware that Mabel was going to spend the last couple weeks of May in Puerto Rico and the month of June in Mexico, but a week before she left, she revealed that she got a job offer to work with the CDC in Washington, DC, over the summer. This was on top of a job she applied for that would also move her to Washington, DC. Recently, it came to light that not only had she applied to attend a university in Philadelphia, which she got accepted into and is considering attending, but that she was also in the running for a position in the City of Brotherly Love. On that Friday night I told her about my plans to move to Austin, I told her that I didn't want to ever stay in a relationship that would get in the way of my career. In the long run, I would resent the person and always wonder, "What if?" By that same token, I wouldn't want her to choose to stay in Tucson to see how a relationship with me pans out if that meant she didn't take advantage of an opportunity to attend a better university or work at a more fulfilling job than she would have available to her in Arizona. Besides that, her ignorance of how debilitating depression can be -- which is surprising considering her mother's diagnosis of bipolar disorder -- would surely lead to many more quarrels between us, especially if the ones we'd already had prior to her departure were any indication. So the lease on my apartment is up at the end of August. I've been living here since May 2003 -- I can't believe it's been 5 years, or how much has transpired in that time. I found an article on-line last week from the Austin Chronicle that painted a dire picture of the current state of film production in Texas. States like New Mexico and Louisiana have enacted major tax incentives which have drawn film and television shoots away from Texas. There was a profile on a production designer who had been living in Austin for a decade but who has been living in New York for 6 months a year the last couple of years because of how little film work there's been in Austin recently. She was quoted as saying she didn't want to give up on Austin but that if things didn't turn around soon, she was going to be forced to sell her house there. And so my big argument for moving to Austin has been completely invalidated: if this were the beginning of the decade, that'd be a golden place to live for my career, but it's 2008 and that simply isn't the case. This coincided with Jennifer saying that if we're going to continue seeing each other, the long distance thing isn't going to work, even if only for financial reasons (driving up to Phoenix gets fucking expensive with gas prices being what they are), and asking if I'd be willing to move in with her and hold off on moving to Austin at least until her daughter graduates high school. I've done an analysis on my expenses and income over the past 18 months and she calculated what my share of the costs would be if I lived with her (1/3 of the mortgage, groceries, power and cable bills, etc.) and I would actually make out pretty well, probably even cut down on my monthly expenditures. I've been wanting to leave Tucson for the past decade anyway and I've got some connections with the Phoenix film scene. The only drawback is that she still wants to get married; I told her I would want us to live together for at least a while before we made that commitment, like 6 months bare minimum, see if we can stand each other's company on that frequent a basis. And if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. If it does... well, she's argued the financial merits of being married to me so many times that my resolve is starting to erode. I just want to make sure if we do marry, it's because we love each other. Although, to be fair, I have considered getting married for financial benefits in the past. (Both times were to get the ladies involved their green cards, for which I would've stood to receive thousands of dollars. Both plans fell through, though, unfortunately.) So that's where I stand: I'm going to be moving in with Jennifer in September. I haven't told my parents yet, haven't even told them that I'm dating somebody. And I need to find a job up there. Good thing I've got a few months to prepare and develop my resume. Even better that I'm fucking amazing at my job and highly desirable to any employer with the slightest lick of sense. (I haven't been lacking for self-confidence very much lately. Being lusted after by multiple women has that effect.) Here starts the next adventure in the life of Rick.
I was looking back to see if you were looking back at me to see me looking back at you. - Massive Attack, "Safe From Harm"
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