I've just had the most beautiful conversation of my life. Have you ever just talked to somebody who fascinated you to no end, who you felt a kinship with, somebody you were sad to depart from? I just got back from meeting with a couple people from my Psychology class (Lauren & Mark, studying for a test), and I'm so elated over all the things we went over (not concerning psychology, silly) that I can't even decide how I want to write this down. (this is my third time writing the opening paragraph of this post)
We talked about movies, about music, about politics and religion, about the class and experiences growing up and how pitiful the UofA is and on and on, and I'm still hungry for more. She's beautiful, she's intelligent, she's not afraid to speak her mind, she's articulate and attentive, and you want to know the kicker? I think she's a lesbian. I think she likes women.
But I don't care. The connection we had was the most amazing thing I have ever experienced. Sure, we disagreed on a number of things, but never were we hostile towards one another. If I have a soul mate, I'd venture to say it's her, and I would choose to be with her even if she wasn't attracted to men simply because of how much intellectual chemistry we have. She is the first person I could ever legitimately say I love after such a short period of knowing her.
You want to know something even funnier? When she first showed up, she was being really abrasive and annoying, and I was wishing she'd leave. She's damn attractive, but if someone's a bitch, I don't care what they look like.
After we put our books down and really started getting to know one another, though, all of that changed. In a little over an hour, I found out more about her than I have about any other person in the past two years.
She's always intrigued me, from the moment I saw her. Upon entering that psychology class, she was the first girl I singled out as one I wanted to get to know better. That was on a purely physical level though; I simply wanted to see if I could date and possible sleep with her. I know that's not a likelihood now, but as I've already noted, it doesn't matter anymore.
What I find interesting about this is that I did initially have those feelings of hatred for her (when I saw how she was acting) and now I've come to feel so passionately about her in the opposite direction. This is the third time that's happened. I think this is because if you can get past the obstacles of being spiteful towards another person to come to feel affection for them, that affection is going to be all the greater because you've already considered their blemishes and decided, "Hey, those warts don't bother me."
It's like what I was explaining to her about movies: with Pulp Fiction and other films I've really loved, my feelings on them can't entirely be explained. I kind of have a vague idea of what made me adore them so much, but for the most part, it's something I can't equivocate. That's why when I find a movie I really, *really* love, I can't gush about it eloquently because I can't pin down the words that would best communicate my feelings. That's how I feel right now; I want to say so much more about her and be more... damn it, see, now I can't even come up with another word besides eloquent...be more eloquent about how amazing I find her and how she's changed my way of thinking and feeling, yet I can't. The way I feel can't be communicated with words, though I've obviously tried.
Anyway, she's the second woman today who I found attractive and became really good friends with even though I don't have any romantic aspirations for either. The other is a girl from work, and she's rather beautiful, and she was also kind of stand-offish with me at the start of the day, but she warmed up to me and we were getting along fantastically by the end of the day. Granted, she's married and has two daughters (ages 3 & 2), but I don't care about that; my desire and willingness to be friends with women now goes above and beyond the potential of my ending up in bed with them. I think that's probably the reason why I'm also having more productive and easy friendships with them; I've been able to turn off the part of me that was mostly just interested in the sexual aspect of a relationship, and so it's no longer around to taint my actions or discussions and cause me to turn the women off to wanting to talk with or be around me.
I still want to get involved in a relationship with a woman right now; that part of me hasn't completely gone away. The thing is, the girl I feel the most attracted to doesn't strike me as someone who can meet my intellectual desires the way Lauren can. If she does end up saying "Okay" to going out on a date with me, I'm wondering how that situation is going to play out, but at least the prospects to find out what lies over the horizon are bright, and that's more than I could have ever bargained for at the beginning of this semester.
We talked about movies, about music, about politics and religion, about the class and experiences growing up and how pitiful the UofA is and on and on, and I'm still hungry for more. She's beautiful, she's intelligent, she's not afraid to speak her mind, she's articulate and attentive, and you want to know the kicker? I think she's a lesbian. I think she likes women.
But I don't care. The connection we had was the most amazing thing I have ever experienced. Sure, we disagreed on a number of things, but never were we hostile towards one another. If I have a soul mate, I'd venture to say it's her, and I would choose to be with her even if she wasn't attracted to men simply because of how much intellectual chemistry we have. She is the first person I could ever legitimately say I love after such a short period of knowing her.
You want to know something even funnier? When she first showed up, she was being really abrasive and annoying, and I was wishing she'd leave. She's damn attractive, but if someone's a bitch, I don't care what they look like.
After we put our books down and really started getting to know one another, though, all of that changed. In a little over an hour, I found out more about her than I have about any other person in the past two years.
She's always intrigued me, from the moment I saw her. Upon entering that psychology class, she was the first girl I singled out as one I wanted to get to know better. That was on a purely physical level though; I simply wanted to see if I could date and possible sleep with her. I know that's not a likelihood now, but as I've already noted, it doesn't matter anymore.
What I find interesting about this is that I did initially have those feelings of hatred for her (when I saw how she was acting) and now I've come to feel so passionately about her in the opposite direction. This is the third time that's happened. I think this is because if you can get past the obstacles of being spiteful towards another person to come to feel affection for them, that affection is going to be all the greater because you've already considered their blemishes and decided, "Hey, those warts don't bother me."
It's like what I was explaining to her about movies: with Pulp Fiction and other films I've really loved, my feelings on them can't entirely be explained. I kind of have a vague idea of what made me adore them so much, but for the most part, it's something I can't equivocate. That's why when I find a movie I really, *really* love, I can't gush about it eloquently because I can't pin down the words that would best communicate my feelings. That's how I feel right now; I want to say so much more about her and be more... damn it, see, now I can't even come up with another word besides eloquent...be more eloquent about how amazing I find her and how she's changed my way of thinking and feeling, yet I can't. The way I feel can't be communicated with words, though I've obviously tried.
Anyway, she's the second woman today who I found attractive and became really good friends with even though I don't have any romantic aspirations for either. The other is a girl from work, and she's rather beautiful, and she was also kind of stand-offish with me at the start of the day, but she warmed up to me and we were getting along fantastically by the end of the day. Granted, she's married and has two daughters (ages 3 & 2), but I don't care about that; my desire and willingness to be friends with women now goes above and beyond the potential of my ending up in bed with them. I think that's probably the reason why I'm also having more productive and easy friendships with them; I've been able to turn off the part of me that was mostly just interested in the sexual aspect of a relationship, and so it's no longer around to taint my actions or discussions and cause me to turn the women off to wanting to talk with or be around me.
I still want to get involved in a relationship with a woman right now; that part of me hasn't completely gone away. The thing is, the girl I feel the most attracted to doesn't strike me as someone who can meet my intellectual desires the way Lauren can. If she does end up saying "Okay" to going out on a date with me, I'm wondering how that situation is going to play out, but at least the prospects to find out what lies over the horizon are bright, and that's more than I could have ever bargained for at the beginning of this semester.
| /www.freewebfile.com/insurgents/dragsigx.gif"border="0" width="100" height="100"> | /www.freewebfile.com/insurgents/sdname.gif"width="234" height="19"> |
